marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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