My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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