Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
