Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
