He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have feelings that need drinking.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
