were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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