I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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