Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
