You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
