This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
