I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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