if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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