I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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