I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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