We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
