i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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