I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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