I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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