Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
