Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
