Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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