I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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