i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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