the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
