just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This house was built for laser tag.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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