On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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