Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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