I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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