he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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