Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
