woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
