The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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