my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
