i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize