Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
