I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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