My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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