I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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