he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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