Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
