im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
