Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize
