Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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