spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
