that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
