i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
