bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
