he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
