2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize