Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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