She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
