Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
