Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
