____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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