do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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