You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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