The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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