I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
