oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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