Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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