I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize