Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
