1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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