My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you win again, gameday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
