you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
