Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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